Friday, April 25, 2014

STEIN #17


Hi all!  Another Saturday is here, which brings us a brand new installment of Science Fiction Fantasy Saturday.  Welcome back and I hope you found a seat up front.  What is SciFiFanSat you ask?  Well, it’s a group of authors who come together every weekend and share writing snippets from some of their published works and works in progress.  Sounds like fun, right?  We’re always looking for fresh voices, so climb aboard and give it a shot with ten to fifteen sentences of one of your own literary treasures.  This week, we’re still following the adventures of Annie from my WIP, STEIN.  Last week her mysterious hero was accidentally shot by a member of her group.  Undeterred, she was determined to bring him back to their home in hopes you will join them.  If you need to catch up, all the previous snippets are posted on my site.  Read on and enjoy!______________________________________________
          Ever since the first day she met him, Mr. Cliff told her never to stray too far away and always know what was going on around her. 
          Still, the giant sunflowers across the street practically pulled Trudy under the fence and into the vacant lot across from the garage.  Her hand brushed over the petals and the sun warmed her cheeks as she dug around the base of one of the flowers.  She would plant it in the exposed dirt in the corner of the garage and already rehearsed her speech to Mr. Cliff on how she would water and take care of “Daffy” every single day. 
          Suddenly, her face grew cold, like someone had turned off the sun.  Looking over her shoulder, the silhouette of a man stood between Trudy and her yellow friend.
****
          “We just don’t have the room to take in anyone else, Annie.”  Mr. Cliff stood inside the bay door of the ram shackled building with his arms folded across his chest.
          “But we can’t just leave him out here.  Brody, tell him how saved my life.”
          “All I saw was the two of them coming out of the alley after a pack of shoppers just went through,” Brody said.
          Mr. Cliff asked, “So where is this mysterious hero of yours?”
          “Umm…we left him across the street so I could prep you a little before we introduced him.”
          A panic stricken young girl, maybe fifteen, ran up to the group and pulled at Mr. Cliff’s jacket.
          “Has anyone seen Trudy?”

Uh, oh.  This could turn bad.  Thoughts?  I hope you enjoyed the read and, please, leave a comment on your way out.  Feel free to use the 15 items or less lane and thank you for shopping Check-Mart.  See you in seven!           

9 comments:

  1. I'm sure it isn't accidental that you're evoking the James Whale Frankenstein film from 1931 - reading the first section reminded me of the scene from the film where the monster approaches a little girl. I'm confident Stein isn't going to throw Trudy into a lake, but I'm more worried what everyone else is going to do...

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    1. Yep, that's definitely an influence here, Peter. It's such a classic scene - I'm glad you picked up on that vibe. Now for a little twist.

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  2. How can you lose somebody that big? smh Some people.

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  3. Great snippet. Lots of cliffhangers to digest and look forward to their later revelations.

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    1. Thanks! I'm loving the new fifteen sentence limit - I actually did a scene break - in a snippet!

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  4. I KNOW THIS SCENE!!

    What a great nod to your inspiration.

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    1. What do they call that? Deja-you-seen-it? It's really rather neat that you and Peter picked up on it with so few sentences. Hopefully you'll enjoy where it goes from here.

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  5. I haven't seen the scene that everyone Peter and JC recognized, but I do love the cinematic feels to this snippet. It's framed very well and you've managed to make the reader feel like they are seeing shots of these moments from different camera angles. Pretty effin neat.

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